


Tribulation

by intothemidnightblue



Series: Musicbox [10]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Don't copy to another site, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 03:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothemidnightblue/pseuds/intothemidnightblue
Summary: Darling, can't you seeI'm a broken manWith addictive tendenciesAnd I think I love you





	Tribulation

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't finished watching all of Haven but I just got in the mood to write another musicbox piece so I did.  
> all of Matt Maeson's Bank on the Funeral album feels like these two so I was like,,,, desperate to write it out.
> 
> not beta'd baybeeeee

_Darling, can't you see_

_I'm a broken man_

_With addictive tendencies_

_And I think I love you_

_But I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love just right_

_So run away from me_

_Run as far as your_

_Dark brown eyes can see_

_Just as soon as you know..._

 

He still wakes up with a whisper of that kiss on his lips. Every time he thinks he’s finally over him, his dreams come to tell him off. What hurts the most is it’s one of the few times he remembers what it was like to feel.

 

Right before Duke had left, before Nathan’s trouble had returned, they had spent a whole day together. Haunting the spots they used to hang before things had turned sour between them, rekindling the dwindling connection they had before it had gone out for good. Before Nathan could bring himself to break the ties between them.

He knew Duke was leaving tomorrow. He knew a month ago when they were sitting in the principal’s office after another fight. It was the first thing Duke said to him in a while that wasn’t a taunt or jeer. It seized Nathan’s heart to know he was going to lose his first real friend and first real enemy. The history between them was too strong for them to leave on a bad note, so as if nothing ever happened, the next day at school they were as thick as thieves once again.

What no one else knew was the night between they had caught and yelled and hugged and cried over the unresolved tension strung tight around their chests. Then talked about steps leading to them sitting in the grass in Nathan’s backyard looking at the stars.

They clicked into place and everything felt real again. For Nathan, every touch from Duke was a spark of electricity, whether it warmed his heart or stoked his burning anger. No one else in his life could he rely on to be so constantly a part of him. As the final day grew closer, Duke invited him out for a full day together, one they never could have before, with the anger between their fathers. But now, Duke’s father was gone and the Chief couldn’t say no to Nathan’s intense pleading eyes. Plus, afterwards, he could breathe easy with the last of the Crockers out of town. It put him in a good enough mood to give them this one thing.

And now, they were here together again. Winding down, laying on Duke’s bed just talking about what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives, realizing they could no longer count on the other person to be in it.

Maybe it was better that way, anyway. Adults usually know best, and their fathers had always seemed to hate each other. Maybe this was just proof there could never be peace when a Wuornos and a Crocker were together. It must be better this way, or Nathan wouldn’t be able to stand it. If he were being honest with himself, it was he who was the weak link between them. Duke was free to do as he pleases, never a care in the world but for himself. Nathan was tied down to be the next Chief Wuornos one day, never bringing himself to deviate from the path that had been paved out in front of him. Duke and Nathan could never work out, Nathan just couldn’t realize that till now.

 

_That I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

_Oh and all the ways that you won't bend_

_Are the only ways I live my life_

 

“Cat got your tongue?” Duke prodded Nathan lightly with his shoulder, an excuse to lean in closer.

“Do you think we could have ever just been friends? Or were we always meant to fight,” Nathan asked.

“I couldn’t tell you. We can’t change the past, and I don’t give two shits about any kind of destiny. I’d say... things just happen for no reason. The chips fall and we just have to deal with the outcome,” Duke seemed to almost snuggle closer, Nathan welcoming the touch, winding their hands together like they haven’t done since they were very little. He knew it wasn’t normal to touch like this with a friend, but the rules change when you’ve grown up next to each other. Duke squeezed his hand.

“I think... destiny can pull people together, but it can’t make them always get along,” Nathan reasoned.

“I think that’s bullshit. It takes away autonomy to just say ‘everything is bad because fate.’ Like, if people are shitty to each other, there’s usually a reason for it that’s not just ‘destiny says so.’ And pretending that it’s all some cosmic coincidence... well that doesn’t do much good for anyone. How can people learn to change if they believe everything is predetermined?” Duke insisted.

“If fate were a thing, they would be forced to change,” Nathan said, for the sake of the argument.

“Unless fate forced them to not change. Then they’re trapped. They’re trapped either way,” Duke said.

“So what’s your excuse then, if it’s not fate. Why did you hate me for so long,” Nathan sat up abruptly to stare at Duke.

“I didn’t hate you...” Duke said quietly, staring up at Nathan with a deep sadness that only furthered Nathan’s anger.

“Then why did you treat me like shit all the time? Don’t say it was just pranks, because none of it was ever remotely funny. You were purposefully cruel and didn’t seem to care how much it hurt me,” Nathan vented, ignoring the tears that threatened to fall.

“I’m sorry,” Duke whispered, eyes filled with something unreadable, the boy spiralling down a mental tangent.

“That’s no reason,” Nathan said.

“Please...,” Duke said with a complete sincerity Nathan had never heard before, “don’t... I’m sorry I’m like this, I’m sorry I’m so hard to get along with, Nathan. I do care about you, I always did I’m just a fucking idiot.”

Nathan’s anger swirled, “I’m not going to feel sorry for you!” His voice rose.

“I’m sorry,” Duke said, before dragging Nathan down and bringing their lips together. Nathan tensed, expecting violence, but didn’t break away from the kiss. Duke flipped their positions, Nathan finally reciprocating after his back hit the sheets. It had taken him a while to register what was happening, and how much he hadn’t known this had been what he was searching for. It felt good to feel how much Duke cared, and finally understand what they had been running towards since the day they met. They were so gentle with each other in a way that only spelt love, though they couldn’t see it yet. Duke moved from Nathan’s lips to kissing down his neck, resting his head there after Nathan squirmed from the tickle of Duke’s stubble.

“I’m sorry,” Duke whispered into Nathan’s skin.

“I forgive you,” Nathan says because he has to.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Duke admitted, “but I need to go.”

“I know,” Nathan felt so much, yet so numb. Not like the troubles, but like an itch he knows there’s no use scratching. He can’t carve enough out of him to feel the relief.

“I’ll write you,” Duke promised.

“No you won’t,” Nathan said.

“I’ll think about you, all the time. I’ll miss you... so goddamn much,” Duke moved his head to look at Nathan’s face, who turned to meet his gaze.

“You’ll get over it,” Nathan’s voice cracked.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Duke pleaded.

 

_Oh and I'm trying to crawl up_

_And burn just right_

_Oh and I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

 

It was a week later, and Nathan felt only fury. He skipped classes to sit at the docks, tagging along to fish whenever he caught the eye of a friendly neighbor and didn’t care when he was always met by his father’s sharp glare as soon as they made it back. It took him a month to finally realize he needed help, another month for the therapist to diagnose him with depression and hand him a prescription. He’s not depressed, Nathan thought to himself, he’s growing up. Learning to carry the weight of the world on his back. He never took the pills, he wanted to wallow. At least it let him feel something. He expressed that to his therapist, who only nodded solemnly, well aware of his old trouble, telling him he could throw away the pills if he started meeting her twice a week. He dumped the pills and never went back for another session.

He stopped fighting as soon as Duke left. He was still bullied and taunted, but the words didn’t sting, not when it wasn’t Duke leading the charge. Eventually, after much work and extra credit, he brought up his grade enough to stay on track for graduation, and slowly fell into old habits. He stopped skipping, and spent days in the library studying, or curled up getting lost in fiction or history. He ended up graduating with one of the highest marks in his class. Eventually, he stopped thinking about Duke every day, though he could never stop passing the docks without hoping to see him again. It still hurt his chest sometimes, late at night, when he wished that life was different.

Senior year he brought a girlfriend to prom, then broke up with her a week later. Over the summer he found a new girl, staying with her until junior year of college, until she broke up with him a week after he came out as bisexual to her. He had a boyfriend senior year, though didn’t tell a soul. He never actually broke up with the man, just stopped answering his texts and never picked up the phone when he called. When the year ended, he never saw him again. His life became a string of short relationships, though he could never really blame it on Duke anymore. It had been years since they’d seen each other, and though his heart still dropped when he thought he could see the man out of the corner of his eye, he couldn’t call back the feeling of the love they had found. No, now the only person Nathan had left to blame was himself.

When the troubles started again, his relationships became few and far in between. He always feared the day he lost touch again, never getting close enough to someone to let them break him down that far.

He dove into his work, ignoring the life his colleagues could live, dedicating himself to making detective. When he made detective, he floated for a while, but the feeling of accomplishment didn’t soothe the hole in his heart or the depression that crept up at night. It had followed him into adulthood like a shadow, leaving him to drown himself in a bottle when it became too much. Sobbing into his pillow with a shaking fear that tonight was the night he stopped feeling, and he was wasting it curled in his bed drunk and trying to remember what it felt like to be in love.

 

_Darling, can't you see_

_I'm a broken man_

_With addictive tendencies_

_And I think I love you_

_But I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love just right_

_So run away from me_

_Run as far as your_

_Dark brown eyes can see_

_Just as soon as you know_

 

He knew Duke was the only one who could ever bring back his trouble. He had made sure to never let anyone else that close. When it happened, he wasn’t shocked. He should have expected it as soon as Duke came into town.

Despite the betrayal, the memories of their childhood together had come back to haunt him. He dreamed of their kiss, and all it could lead to now that they were older. He began sleeping better if only because he desperately wanted to hide within his dreams, and because he no longer could feel discomfort to keep him awake.

He would see Duke in passing, but with every glance they shared, it turned Nathan’s heart cold. Duke became a harbinger of evil, a deity of all bad deeds. Nathan couldn’t nail him for anything, but it was clear Duke could never do good. He was too far gone. Never could they rekindle their old love, or ever even see eye to eye anymore.

All those thoughts didn’t stop the dreams though. He often woke up wanting nothing but to feel Duke again. It had become so intense he walked all the way to Duke’s boat, only to turn away as soon as he came face to face with it. Reconciliation couldn’t bring back his lost sense. His wasn’t a trouble that could ever be controlled. He couldn’t even feel the weight of his sorrow as he walked home.

 

Duke watched him leave from behind glass. He took a swig of his bottle and kicked the wall in frustration, which only made him feel worse for taking his hurt out on his boat. There was nothing he could do anymore for Nathan. Duke was poison.

He hadn’t meant to use Nathan, it had just come so naturally to use the opportunity of having a cop out to vouch for him. He never even thought of what Nathan would think of it. He couldn’t even expect it would be all it took to lose Nathan completely, and that’s what frustrates him the most; that he couldn’t see this coming. Now, when he touches Nathan, the man doesn’t react, and Duke’s heart stops when he gets the suspicion it’s not just becauseNathan’s ignoring him. It couldn’t be Duke’s fault...

 

_That I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

_Oh and all the ways you won't bend_

_Are the only ways I live my life_

 

It was obvious now, the eyes Nathan used to make at Duke were reserved only for Audrey. It had been long enough that all there was left between Nathan and Duke was hate. Following in the steps of their fathers, they couldn’t understand one another.

Audrey figured them out at first glance. Without even asking she could see there was some history they were burying. It was nice to have her as an interpreter, though it wasn’t a job she could keep up forever. The turning point was after Duke had dealt with rapidly ageing and gained a daughter he could never touch. Nathan visited him that night. They didn’t say much, just sat together looking up at the stars.

“I missed you,” Duke said, after a while. Nathan didn’t answer.

 

Then, there was that surprise party for Audrey. Seeing Nathan kiss that thing pretending to be Audrey, learning Nathan could feel the real Audrey. Duke had gone home and drowned himself in the nearest alcoholic beverage he could grab. He was properly hammered when Nathan showed up at his door. He led him in, both of them sitting at the table to talk, Nathan fidgeting silently until Duke spoke up.

“You came here for a reason?”

“Yeah, I...”

“I already know you can feel Audrey,” Duke said stiffly.

“It doesn’t feel the same,” Nathan said. Duke raised an eyebrow. Nathan grabbed the bottle Duke had been drinking and gulped some down.

“I remember what it was like to touch you,” Nathan expressed, unconsciously reaching for Duke, who leapt at the chance to hold his hand again. Nathan continued without if noticing, eyes too focused on Duke’s, “it was like... starting a fire every time, like a current through me, even when we fought. Feeling Audrey, it’s like drinking water after being lost in the desert.”

“So I burned you and Audrey helps you,” Duke said flatly.

“No,” Nathan shook his head, noticing now, their hands intertwined, “if I could feel... Audrey would just be... Audrey. You, Duke...” Nathan faded off, stomach twisting into knots, which didn’t agree with the alcohol sitting in it.

“I missed you,” Nathan said, after a pause.

Duke didn’t respond.

 

_Oh and I'm trying to crawl up_

_And burn just right_

_Oh and I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

 

The chief was dead, and for once, Nathan was glad he was numb. The pain of the loss didn’t sting, though the malaise of sadness lingered like fog around him. Duke knocked on his door the night after the funeral, but Nathan didn’t answer. Somehow, though, Duke still found his way into Nathan’s room.

“I could charge you for breaking and entering,” Nathan said, curling up to hide under the sheets. He couldn’t put on any kind of face for Duke and didn’t want to deal with Duke seeing his raw emotions when trusting him never turned out well for Nathan. Duke didn’t rise to argue, only sat on the edge of Nathan’s bed. A memory twinged Nathan’s mind, and he moved to give Duke some space, who crawled under the covers with Nathan and gathered him up in his arms.

It was like they were children again, after staying up late to catch a scary movie and regretting it when they finally had to resign to sleep. Nathan didn’t face Duke, just moved to keep as much of him touching the other, even if the only sense he had of the action was when his limbs faced resistance. Duke receptively adjusted them to Nathan’s silent request. Duke smelled like the ocean, and it felt like home to Nathan. A great comfort overwhelmed him, and quietly he cried, tasting the salt of his own tears. The pressure of Duke holding him tighter grounded Nathan, and he could almost pretend he could feel it.

Duke didn’t let go until Nathan was dead asleep. Only then, did he let his hands wander over Nathan’s silhouette. Remembering for the both of them, this featherlight touching. Nathan shivered in his sleep as Duke’s fingers ran back up his arms. It was enough to embolden Duke to leave a gentle peck in Nathan’s cheek before leaving, hoping that somehow, it would make it through in the haze of sleep.

Nathan dreamed that they lay together the entire night just content to be touching. Yet, when he woke up, the space where Duke had lay had long grown cold. That was the final straw, as Nathan burst into full tears, mourning for the past before everything went to shit. He couldn’t remember what it felt like to get a hug from his father, yet he could faintly imagine how it would feel if Duke had kissed his cheek instead of Audrey. If soulmates existed, would Nathan be able to feel his? He doubted it, not when he couldn’t feel Duke.

 

_I think I'm better on my own_

_But I get so lost in you_

 

Nathan had been right. Feeling Duke was so different from feeling Audrey. It had only been in passing, they hadn’t had enough time to make something of the opportunity, not with Nathan’s heroics, letting the girl lose her trouble instead of himself.

Touching Duke again cemented the fact there was no one else Nathan would rather be in love with, and it scared him. When the feeling in his skin left, it cut a whole chunk out of Nathan’s heart and left him with no choice but to force himself to let go. This was the universe telling him that Duke was also right. In small doses, it was electrifying, but being with Duke would burn him to ash.

 

_I think I'm better on my own_

_But I'm so obsessed with you_

 

Seeing Nathan pine over Audrey was worse now that Nathan and Duke were amicable. The proximity they found themselves in to each other was just enough to have Duke hyperaware of the space between them, how much distance they kept and when they leaned in close. Having Audrey’s boyfriend have a trouble like he has, that wasn’t helping. Nothing screamed “I’m gay” more than how Duke acted around Chris. It was like, the moment he looked at Chris, he felt like he was looking at Nathan, except with all the weight of their past lifted.

“Man-crush...” Duke mumbled under his breath as he swept behind the bar. His heart hurt, wishing Nathan could just settle with him, knowing it would be unfair to condemn the man to a life never feeling his partner again. Yet, Audrey was with someone else, and if it lasted, what would Nathan do then? Would he sulk his way back to Duke? And would Duke even take him back, knowing he was always the second choice?

He loved Nathan, but was it worth it to resign himself to scraps of friendly affection? All paths led to no, so Duke had forged his own, but even that didn’t feel worth it anymore.

 

_I think I'm better on my own_

_But I get so lost in you_

 

Nathan met Duke the night Evi died. The Gull had closed early, not a soul around but the two of them. They were both still on their first beers, distracting themselves with a game of cards. They bartered a bit about the past, never mentioning anything close to what they had missed out on. Nathan let Duke explain how he had met Evi, the ups and the downs, how their marriage was a sham until it wasn’t, then it was again, and if troubles hadn’t existed, maybe they would be back at it again. And Duke could finally leave Haven for good, not care if he was good or bad, content in finding someone he could spend his life with until it inevitably fell apart again. Nathan listened intently until Duke ran out of words, their beers still barely half finished. They trashed them around four in the morning, making their way into Duke’s bed, both too emotionally and physically drained to even feel their heads hit the pillow.

 

_I think I'm better on my own_

_But I'm so obsessed with you_

 

When Duke woke up, Nathan was still fast asleep. Sleep kept the tidal wave of emotions at bay, letting Duke just enjoy waking up in liminal comfort before the grief and heartache set in again.

He couldn’t tell Nathan he was seeing the Rev today, couldn’t explain why he needed to search for answers this way. As soon as he got out of bed, he would be walking towards another betrayal of Nathan’s trust, so he stayed. He watched Nathan sleep, trying to push away the creeping “what if’s” and memories in an effort to preserve the moment.

Things were changing in Haven, and it would ruin them. Duke didn’t want Nathan too close, not when everyone seemed to be dying all around Duke. This right now was too close, but Duke could only justify it by calling it the last time. He would get by being just another of the Rev’s henchmen for a while until he finally got all his answers, and whatever came next he would face it alone, with no one to lose as collateral except himself.

 

_And I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

_Oh and all the ways you won't bend_

_Are the only ways I live my life_

 

It isn’t until after 1955 that Nathan and Duke really talk again. First, it was dealing with the death of the reverend, then Audrey was kidnapped, Duke’s trouble was out in the open now, then the bolt gun killer surfaced. It hadn’t been that long since Duke had kissed Audrey either. He still remembers the taste of her lips, how it only made him wish it was Nathan instead. When they pulled away, it was obvious. They were in love with the same man. For the first time in his life, Duke had admitted it, and Audrey had just nodded as if she knew all along.

“He’s straight,” Duke lies, “all yours.” Audrey hugged him tightly.

“When I’m gone, take good care of him,” Audrey said. Duke hugged her back, resting his head on hers. One way or another, at least one out of the three of them would die. For once, Duke found himself believing in fate. Their precarious position could only be the product of some orchestration.

 

Even in 1955, Nathan had been drawn to Audrey- or Sarah, as she was then. While Duke had been desperately trying to save his own skin, Nathan had been on a romantic getaway up until the final moment they met up and got sent back. It crawled under Duke’s skin that Nathan could just _use_ Sarah like that.She wasn’t Audrey, not yet. It was enough that Duke had cornered Nathan, pulling him into another room away from the public setting of the Gull.

“What’s gotten into you?” Duke said, pushing Nathan farther into the room.

“I’m fine,” Nathan spat back, attempting to leave, only for Duke to step into his way, closing the door quickly.

“You’re not yourself, this is not _you_ ,” Duke emphasized, poking Nathan hard in the chest so he would at least feel the pressure of it. Nathan swatted his hand out of the way.

“You don’t get to tell me who I am,” Nathan snarled.

“Yes, I do. I know you” Duke stressed, “I don’t care that your head over heels for Audrey, I care that you thought that excuses you from using Sarah because you’re too chickenshit to get with the real deal.”

“Sounds more like your jealous,” Nathan jeered.

“Fuck off, just because I care about you doesn’t mean I’m calling your name when I cum,” Duke pushed Nathan again, who shoved him back.

“If you know me then I know you well enough too. I saw the way you looked at me when you saw me there,” Nathan pushed Duke against the wall, blocking any means of escape.

“Maybe because it was _1955_ and I hoped you had a plan to rescue me!” Duke yelled, exasperated.

“If I was fucking you instead of her, you wouldn’t have cared to ever leave,” Nathan said with arrogant confidence.

“You fucked Sarah?! And you don’t see how that makes it worse??” Duke slammed into Nathan with his shoulder as he talked, Nathan pulling them both to the floor, refusing to go down without bringing the fight with him.

“Tell me you don’t wish it had been you,” Nathan flipped their positions easily, managing to pin Duke’s hands as well after some scrambling.

“Why do you need me to?” Duke asked. Nathan’s grip relaxed as he was stunned silent for a moment. It still wasn’t enough for Duke to free himself, lurching awkwardly to try and escape.

“I don’t need you to care about me. I don’t need your pity, I don’t need your concern, I don’t need your fucking doe eyes every time I move,” Nathan spat, before letting Duke go. Duke stayed down, even as Nathan got up to stand.

“You were right, I don’t know you anymore,” Duke said from the floor.

“You never did,” Nathan sneered. He wanted to keep lashing out, pulling out all the times Duke had turned away from him, refused to help him, only ever stayed to see the good and turned tail as soon as anything bad started up, even if he was the cause. Duke didn’t answer him, holding in all the times he stood up for Nathan, all the times they’ve seen each other cry. He pushed down every time they’ve saved each other’s life.

Nathan headed for the door, once he was sure Duke wouldn’t follow.

“Audrey deserves better,” Duke called out as the door closed.

 

_Oh and I'm trying to crawl up_

_And burn just right_

_Oh and I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

 

Duke was silent in Jennifer’s car. They were almost to where Nathan had last been seen, and Duke couldn’t help but be nervous. They ended on a bad note, and never had time to reconcile. Duke didn’t count the moment before he went into the barn, that was a spur of the moment gesture. Nathan had gripped him quick and spun him into a quick kiss, before pushing Duke back towards the barn. Duke hadn’t even turned back around, never had time to process it. Now it was six months later and Duke could almost swear he could still taste him.

“So... boyfriend?” Jennifer asked as she noticed Duke fixated on his lips as he stared out the window at the passing scenery.

“No... just friend,” Duke said stiffly.

“Okay,” Jennifer said, clearly disbelieving.

“He kissed me... right before I went into the barn. Right after he shot Agent Howard thinking it could bring Audrey back. We had a fight that we still hadn’t gotten over,” Duke explained.

“Nathan’s son was in the barn,” Jennifer stayed, confused, “the son he had with Audrey- or Sarah?”

“It’s a... confusing ordeal,” Duke sighed, closing his eyes.

“Do you love him?” Jennifer asked after a minute had passed. Duke opened his eyes to stare at her.

“I don’t know anymore. I thought I did, and I still think I do, but there’s times when I barely recognize him anymore. He was always a cautious kid and a stickler for rules. Now, he’s reckless, and a danger to himself and everyone around him. He couldn’t give up Audrey... yet he turns around and kisses me as soon as he realizes he couldn’t get her back! That’s... that was my worst fear out of this, you know? That after everything was over, he’d make his way back to me and I’d let him in again,” Duke admitted.

“That’s rough,” Jennifer said with complete sympathy.

 

_And I don't ever think I can_

_Love you right_

 

Nathan found Duke in his room, throwing himself a pity party.

“I’m glad you’re... you,” Nathan says after a while, closing the door behind him. Duke just huffs, burying his face in his hands. He was still reeling from learning Lexie was actually Audrey, not in the mood to deal with how bad that’ll be for Nathan when the Guard finds out. They’re all already just getting by through the skin of their teeth.

“We never talked about... you know,” Nathan approaches cautiously.

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” Duke said sharply.

“I don’t think it matters who I love...” Nathan shrugged.

“Don’t,” Duke glared, “don’t go professing your love to me now. Fuck off with that shit. I have to hook you up with Lexie _and then you die_. That’s all that’s left of us, Nathan.”

“I’m sorry,” Nathan whispered, moving to sit beside Duke on his bed, who scooter farther away.

“Why did you kiss me? In front of everyone, even! You know how badly that hurt my fucking campaign I’ve had to run for you? The guard is just begging to let you die, and I’m losing grip of the situation all because you got the bright idea to make up your mind about us at the literal worst moment in the history of all gay awakenings,” Duke whined in frustration. Nathan was silent, collecting his thoughts as his heart raced, remembering what he had done. It had been so long, and they never mentioned it until now. The moment had dulled until he realized Duke remembered it like it was practically yesterday.

“I knew I was about to lose both of you,” Nathan’s voice cracked, “and I knew it was all my fault. Everything I was doing was just, pure adrenaline, which doesn’t excuse any of it, but it gave me enough courage to just... not let you leave without saying goodbye...”

“Well, you didn’t lose me. Now, what are you going to do about it?” Duke asked flatly. Nathan grabbed Duke before he could even think about what he had invited. Their lips met, for just a second, before Nathan wrenched away as if he was yanked back violently. Duke’s heart shattered for the final time.

“Leave,” Duke growled.

“Duke-“

“ _Now_.”

“I could feel you,” Nathan whispered.

 

 

_Oh, and I don't ever think I can_

_Ever learn how to love you right_

 

 

They could feel the end nearing. In a mad scramble against William, desperately trying to save Audrey, there was no time for dwindling on feelings. Still, every time their fingers touched or they pulled each other to safety, it felt like falling in love all over again.

It was night, as it usually was when they managed to escape someplace together. They were in Duke’s room again, leisurely making out as if they had all the time in the world.

“I love you,” Nathan whispered over Duke’s jaw. Duke replied by blowing him under the covers.

They didn’t sleep that night, alternating between getting out the years of sexual frustration and just holding each other in the dark. It wasn’t happy, though. There was desperation in their touches, as time seemed to speed past them. The early morning sun illuminated their drying tears as they spent the last few hours fighting against the sleepy afterglow.

“I love you too,” Duke said.

**Author's Note:**

> AU, weird sci fi things make it so the barn tried to make Duke like Audrey, trying to heal him even as it was collapsing, but it didn’t have enough time. Though, since Nathan had entered the barn as well, Fake Science says they have just enough weird shit in them for their troubles not to affect each other. 
> 
> I wasn't gunna post this, was content to just keep it for myself but I like it too much to keep it secret. I just,,, like writing lol.
> 
> _____________________________________________  
> comments and kudos lemme know there's life in this dead fandom lol  
> listen sometimes,,, you gotta write for a fandom long dead.  
> find me on tumblr @ [lockewoodandco](http://www.lockewoodandco.tumblr.com)  
> twit @ [ jaceisblue](http://twitter.com/jaceisblue)  
> Also, check out my backlog if you're a fandom hopper!


End file.
